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In the movie “The Patriot” the eldest son, Gabrielle, has been taken by the British Army. He is to be hung as a spy. The father & Patriot, Benjamin Martin, has just witnessed the death of his son, Thomas, & the burning of his home at the hands of the Redcoats. Benjamin reacts by taking his two youngest sons, Samuel & Nathan, to cut off the Redcoats in the wilderness & reclaim Gabrielle. While waiting, Benjamin looks at his boys and says, “What did I teach you about shooting?” The boys reply without hesitation. “Aim small, miss small!” Benjamin looks at the fear in his boy’s eyes & tells them with confidence, “Boys…steady!”

If you are going to reclaim the part of you that feels lost, then you must pick up the gun, aim it, & start shooting at something. What is your target? That is your goal! Form a plan for achieving that goal. Then move forward on purpose.

It’s scary I know. Fear is a reality for anyone who acts with courage! Fear & courage go hand in hand. Fear prompts anxiety. Anxiety is the fuel for action. Courage gives you the confidence you need when you act with intent.

How do I overcome the fear of missing the bull’s eye? Let me answer that question by asking another question. Have you completely missed your target if you haven’t hit the bull’s eye? People tend to define success in terms of reaching 100% of the intended goal. But consider that reaching 85% of the goal is 85% more than the other person who never picked up the gun, aimed it, and pulled the trigger.

You have a target in your sight. Steady! Aim small! Shoot for the bull’s eye! Give yourself permission to miss small. If you conclude that hitting the bull’s eye is an all or nothing venture, then achieving your goals will fall on the side of nothing!

Ask yourself what it would feel like if 85% of your most cluttered room in your home was organized in a way you could still find things? How would it feel to know you read 50% of the book you intended to read this month? How about 65% of the things you wanted to do to let your friends know they matter to you? What if these three things I have listed caused your confidence in yourself to grow by 25%? Would you feel differently about yourself?

Aim small & miss small. You’ll hit your target every time! Do you have a scope on your gun that can help improve your accuracy? The scope is the coach that will help you stay on target. Give yourself the permission. It’s ok because you matter!

As for Benjamin Martin? He reclaimed his son. Yes, it took more than one shot!

You have heard the saying that creativity is thinking outside the box. There certainly is truth to this. But have you considered what you have in your box may be what the average person is striving for outside their box? Strengths like empathy, seeing unique relationships between people & ideas, the ability to focus with intensity while remaining spontaneous, and seeing the big picture only begin to explain our gifts. Yes, distraction, anxiety, saying & doing without thinking, & memory are challenges we face daily. But there is another reality that says the difficulties you face in one area lead you to acquire an outsized ability in another.

I’ve had more moments than I can count alone, standing in a hot shower agonizing with tears over failure. “Why did I do that?” Why did I say that?” “How did I miss it?” “You completely embarrassed yourself!” “They looked at you like you didn’t make any sense!” During these moments I found myself longing for the ability to do what others appear to do effortlessly. Recite facts from memory, think sequentially through a problem & demonstrate reasoning that makes sense to people. By the time the hot water would run out I just wanted someone to tell me I was good enough.

I now realize that the experiences that resulted in my quiet suffering in the shower were nudging me towards what is good enough. I also learned a great lesson. Contemplating excessively an ability I would like to have deprives me of developing the skills I have acquired. You weren’t meant to think outside the box! That’s what most people try to do. You are diverse, complete, the sum of everything you are meant to be.

·        “Do what you can with what you are with what you have.”

                                                                              Theodore Roosevelt

Focusing on what we don’t have is a waste of time and energy. Your inbox is full. You’ve got mail! The key is developing the skill of thinking within your box. It starts by taking an honest look at the spam that gets in the way. More to come…

Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Seuss is one of my kid’s favorite books for me to read. By the end of the story my son says “Do again daddy!” Here we go again!J I think about Sam. Sam I am. Sam sure is persistent! He just keeps coming back again and again and again. It’s the same repetitive message. He says it in different ways in different places. But it’s the same basic message.

Email spam does the same thing as Sam. It keeps coming back over and over and over. It seems as if it’s always there bombarding my inbox. Before I know it, the spam has overtaken me and & I’m left with the emotional consequences. Anxiety, anger, confusion, disillusionment, depression, & the list goes on. I wonder if there is any decent, valuable mail worth reading in my inbox.

Here’s the problem. My inbox doesn’t have a good filtering system. It has a difficult time regulating what is junk mail & what is not. When spam attacks, it can be intense, emotionally & mentally draining to the point of exhaustion. It is during these moments when we are most vulnerable to internalizing the conclusions we make about ourselves. The next thing you know? Spam I am. But there are ways to begin beating back the spam.

After I was being treated effectively, I began working at recognizing when spam is attacking. I know it’s attacking when I start to feel overwhelmed with strong emotions. For instance, in my multitasking job environment, I will become overwhelmed with anxiety. My brain will feel as though it’s shutting down because I will completely forget what I’m doing & why I’m in a particular space to do it, knowing I’ve got to get moving to meet my deadlines & produce quality results.

What I have found helpful is to stop & ask myself what is happening or what did someone say or do that prompted this anxiety? Once I have answered this question, most of the time, I find that the intensity of the emotions doesn’t match the urgency of the moment. That’s when things begin to settle down & thinking clearly comes back.

The filtering system for your inbox is a well developed, conscious, inner dialogue. It’s definitely easier said than done. But it can be done! Here are some simple steps to consider when spam attacks.

·        Recognize what spam feels like. Attach a feeling word(s) to it. More times than not I will become overwhelmed with anxiety.

·        What do you do when spam attacks? I pace a lot & become very impatient. Understanding what you do when spam attacks helps you understand what keeps driving the feelings that overwhelm you. When I start pacing, that’s my cue to go sit down at my desk & allow the radio to distract me for a couple minutes before I consciously return to my work. This usually involves deep breathing exercises.

·        Write it down. Put on paper what you’re thinking & feeling. Get the junk mail out of your system. I use a journal that I carry with me at all times. Transferring the junk mail to paper makes you start thinking again.

·        Now, what is the next right thing you must do? What is the next step? Write it down. Is it performing the task? Is it delegating the task? Is it asking for help to get the task completed? Prioritize if you have written down more than one task. Again, I know, easier said than done.

·        Go perform the task. At some point, you must make the conscious decision to do what you have recognized must be done. The reward for me is feeling more calm & confident about having achieved what I set out to do. That’s a big deal for us! Isn’t it? We want to be able to say we did it!

Coaching can help you walk through & effectively overcome spam attacks. If you’re like me, you stuffed down a lot of conclusions you made about yourself over the years about who you are. I’m here to tell you that those conclusions are lies! Have you considered that those lies are deceiving you by distracting your thoughts away from the very strength you were meant to discover? Allow a coach to walk along side you & help you develop your filtering system. Your journey of discovery awaits you!

My 5-year-old son has an expressive language delay. Thanks to early intervention services through the State of Indiana he is thriving. He has his challenges. He has difficulty putting into words what he’s thinking and feeling by comparison to other children his age. He also struggles with anxiety. For instance, he’s been running from the television for the last year from the dreaded Sudafed commercial. The commercial illustrates sinus problems by showing the viewer a woman’s head blowing up like a balloon. It scares him! He runs to his room yelling “It hurt you! It hurt you!” My wife and I certainly try to avoid it. It’s becoming less of an issue, but there will be some things he obsesses about that prompt anxiety.

   My son is Nemo. He’s the little fish with the gimpy fin. Like Nemo, he’s all heart & adventure. His imagination is incredible! Consider Nemo & his home, the Anemone. My son can make anemone tentacles out of anything. He’ll use tassels from a pillow, swimming noodles, straws, pens you name it. In each case, he groups them together, waving them back & forth slowly creating the effect of the sea anemone. God truly blessed me with the opportunity to raise such an imaginative boy. When I’m deep in thought about him I wonder what challenges he will face. I also wonder what incredible things he will accomplish as he creatively adapts himself to overcome future challenges.

Have you considered the strength that lies in you? It can be difficult to imagine that anything exciting let alone strong could come from distraction, hyperactivity or acting impulsively. But I want you to know that where your weaknesses are a burden is where you discover the strength you posses.

      One of the recommendations I received after my diagnosis was that I get treatment through medication management. Medication management! You mean like more than one? I’ve worked in my field for 15 years around adults & children not giving it a second thought that medication management is assumed. But now I was seeing this issue from a layman’s perspective. I stepped back to take a second look and thought about what it would mean to take mind altering drugs. Am I destined for great achievements or to wander the streets as a cross-eyed zombie with his tongue hanging out?

     Our culture markets two extremes. 1) The effectiveness of psychotropic medication with a judgment on naturopathic quacks and their questionable home remedies they are mixing in their basements. 2) The benefits of all natural, 100% organic, God given food & herbs that exposes the evil, money driven pharmaceutical companies & their horse pills you have to take every day for the rest of your life!

     After a barrage of marketing & unsolicited opinions, the maze of choices I was navigating felt like a haze. Holy Cow! I thought the ADD was hazy enough! I fell back on my professional experience & practical sensibility to arrive to my current regimen. In doing so, I considered the following:

·        Psychotropic Medications are man made substances. When ingested into a body, they can potentially help an individual function more effectively. Also, they can possibly produce an unintended consequence or side effect.

·        Naturopathic food & herbs are natural sources of nutrients for the body that supplement diet & can possibly help an individual function more effectively. They too potentially result in side effects.

     I use both psychotropic medication and vitamin supplementation. I see a Medical Doctor & a Naturopathic Doctor. I take a psychostimulant & an antidepressant that has stimulating properties. I also take fish oil. Both treatments, taken daily, have had long lasting positive effects on my effectiveness at work, home, and socially. Also, it didn’t go without having to try different treatments in different combinations to achieve the maximum effect.

     Both psychiatry and homeopathic approaches are administered on a trial and error basis to some degree. Both can produce side effects. Psychotropic medication can produce side effects that can be severe especially when abused. Naturopathic approaches can do the same, for instance, when you have an allergic reaction to a particular herb. Be careful to not pass judgment on one or the other.

     The key is in finding the right combination of medications and supplements that can maximize your wellness and overall effectiveness. You must consult with a Physician you trust. If you seek Naturopathic services, then seek the services of a Medical Doctor who specializes in Homeopathic Medicine or a Naturopathic Doctor.

     Keep in mind that a Naturopathic Doctor has the credential, ND. The Doctor can tell you what is occurring in your body & can recommend the necessary supplementation to correct what is seen happening in your body. However, the Naturopathic Doctor does not give a diagnosis. 

     Coaching is an adjunct to treatment. While you are consulting your Doctor & going through the process of determining the right treatment combination for you, a coach can help you clarify the positive changes that will take place. A coach will walk with you through the challenges, open the door to a world of possibilities, and enable you to take action to see possibility become reality. What’s your next step?  

 Study results released May 2008 revealed the effect of ADHD on workers. The lack of ability to concentrate costs the average worker 22.1 days of “role performance” per year, including 8.7 extra days absent according to researchers at the Netherlands Institute of Mental Health and Addiction. The United States specifically was estimated to be 28.3 days. The research suggests that it might be cost effective to screen workers for ADHD and provide treatment. Dr. Ron Kessler of Harvard University worked with workers suffering from depression and found that treatment costing $1,000 could help prevent $4,000 in lost productivity. Dr. Kessler says, “It sure looks like the effect would be as big, if not bigger, for ADHD.”

How many more workers are not accounted for in this study that has been fired due to poor performance issues related to ADHD? The implications of this research dramatically points to the need for worker accommodations. This is crucial to the ADDer’s success and the corporation’s bottom line. That’s right. Your success is directly linked with your employer’s bottom line as it is with any worker, but even more so for you, the ADDer. You have a dramatic impact on your employer!

ADDer’s are driven to stimulate their minds. It’s not that you aren’t paying attention to anything, but that you are paying attention to everything to compensate for limits your mind has with concentration. But your drive for stimulation can be your greatest asset in the workplace. When you have removed the roadblocks in your way and possess clear goals that have meaning, your drive for stimulation has the potential to make you unstoppable!

The reality is people misunderstand ADHD and form false beliefs about people who have it. Workers may be seen as slow, less capable or incompetent. Do you ever get the feeling like you aren’t being taken seriously even when you produce tangible results? The bottom line: The odds are stacked against you. You’re right, it’s not fair! But are you going to let it end there? Are you going to resign yourself to 2^nd class citizen status among your peers at work? This doesn’t have to be the end result.

I work in the Child Welfare System for a Therapeutic Foster Care Agency. My office environment and schedule is continually evolving through the day. One minute you are responding to a crisis with intensity and another you find yourself at your desk pushing the same mundane paperwork with a deadline that is disrupted by phone calls and employee issues. The nature of my work causes overlap between all three, which becomes a multi tasking nightmare! However, I have developed strategies that help me transition through my day with reduced stress. Here are my top five:

1.     I leave voicemails to myself to produce task lists and reminders.

2.     I put appointments into my PDA as soon as I have scheduled something without waiting and check it often.

3.     I use bathroom breaks to take a deep, relaxing breath, empty my mind, decide on my next task, and then go perform the task. This works well for me especially during a prolonged staff meeting.

4.     I complete work that requires the most concentration during the time most people take their lunch when the office is quieter with less disruptions. I use my “lunch break” later to relax my mind

5.     I get up from my desk to follow up with employees, so I don’t feel restricted at my desk.

Before using strategies like these, I spent a lot of mental and emotional energy resenting the employees who resented my ADD behaviors. Once I let go of expecting people to understand, I took more responsibility for making my ADD behaviors produce results. When you decide to act with intent you are employing your most valued resource. You! Intent produces results. It challenges your employer to rethink your value.

 The strategies I use alone are not my driving force. Nor are the results those strategies produce. It’s not my profession or the abused & mistreated children & families I serve. My driving force is my purpose. The fact that children benefit from my purpose is simply an added blessing. I’ll share more about my purpose with you in the near future. Know that when you discover your purpose you find hope for your future & hope doesn’t disappoint. How would you view work differently if you had meaningful goals that reflected your strengths in a way that produced results?

     There I was in the moment praying frantically. I can still feel the overwhelming anxiety as if it were happening today. It was suddenly my turn! It’s time once again to grasp the concept and solve the mysteries of borrowing in 2^nd grade Math class. The teacher wrote the problem on the chalk board. Everyone knew who was up to bat. A moment of deafening silence and then those dreaded words, “Steve, we’re waiting!” My peers could sense my panic. They whispered, “Come on Steve! You can do it!” But the harder I tried to reason my way to an answer, the more I panicked. I just wanted to get it! I just wanted to be able to do it! But in the moment, when it mattered, everything caved in. It was like running off a cliff wanting a bridge, that wasn’t there, to take me to the other side. The situation climaxed. I broke down in tears, burying my head in my arms at my desk in the back of the class where I hoped I wouldn’t be noticed. The teacher finally moved on to the next student, leaving me in a wake of humiliation.

One of the most difficult challenges kids and adults with ADD/ADHD face is their ability to produce results under pressure. In a world where kids are reading, writing, and rushing and adults are just rushing, the ability to demonstrate focus is critical. Studies show that when the ADDer tries to concentrate the part of the brain responsible for concentrated thinking actually decreases. The brain activity even decreases below the activity where the brain was while resting! When people interpret this as willful misconduct, serious problems arise in every area of life. We hear statements like, “Focus!” “Try harder!” and “You must apply yourself!” These suggestions are an extension of a moral diagnosis that has already formed in someone’s mind. But it’s important to realize:

1.     You are, in fact, applying yourself. That’s why the decrease in brain activity happens in the first place! Breathe that in for a few seconds. I’m putting forth the effort. I’m applying myself. Accept it. You have what it takes!

2.     Would you take a tack hammer to a barn raising if you had a sledge hammer? Effective treatment with Coaching is the sledge hammer that produces results.

3.     There is more to you than the results others demand. I know you have reason to be hesitant. To conclude that you are not worth the investment. But the bottom line is your life matters!

“Any coward can fight a battle when he’s sure of winning; but give me the man who has pluck to fight when he’s sure of losing. That’s my way, sir; and there are many victories worse than defeat.”

                                                                                        George Eliot